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7 Tips for Spending the Summer Without Your Kids

For divorcing couples, summer vacation isn’t a walk in the park. If you’ll be spending the summer without your kids, you can ease the transition by using some of the following seven tips.

By Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford

Summer with KidsSummer vacation for most families is seen as a time of relaxation and fun. However, for former spouses, summer vacation can be anything but fun and relaxing. For many separated and divorced couples, summer vacation can reignite old fights about the children regarding where and when to go, who will have the children (or how long he or she will have the children), and how much each parent will spend on that summer vacation. Something as innocent as a holiday can turn into a heated argument, creating negative feelings for everyone involved.

If You’ll Be Spending the Summer Without Your Kids, You Must Prepare for Their Absence

Summer vacations mark a significant change in a child’s – as well as a parent’s – normal routine. Some routine changes can be thrilling, while others are met with anxiety, sadness, and frustration. School’s out and summer visitation with the non-custodial parent means the child may be spending more time with the non-custodial parent over the summer, and the custodial parent may not have the opportunity to see or spend a lot of time with the child or children over the summer. Notably, children that do not share both parents many times do not have the opportunity to spend a lot of time together over the summer if the other sibling is vacationing with the non-shared parent. For separated or divorced parents, summer vacation does not have to be a battleground or source of contention. Many children spend large chunks of time with their non-custodial parent over the summer. Whether your child will be spending his or her summer with the other parent nearby, going across town to spend a few weeks with your ex, or traveling to another state for visitation, preparing for and adjusting to the absence can be very difficult.

7 Tips to Ease the Adjustment when Spending the Summer Without Your Kids

Parents can ease the transition and make things go smoother by using some of the following seven tips:

Summer Vacation Tip 1: Remind yourself that your ex-spouse loves the child or children just as much as you do and will act in their best interest.

Summer Vacation Tip 2: Engage in advanced planning and find out where your child will be spending his or her summer, ensure you have additional methods of contact in the event of an emergency, discuss any food allergies with your ex, find out who will be caring for your child when your ex is at work.

Summer Vacation Tip 3: Create a scheduled time or agree to speak or Skype with your child every day, or every other day, to check in with your child (make sure you do not make excessive calls as the non-custodial parent needs to have time bonding with his/her children as well).

Summer Vacation Tip 4: Provide the other parent with the child’s medication and pediatrician’s information.

Summer Vacation Tip 5: Allow children to take toys and other treasured items with them to ensure they do not feel as if they can have to give up or sacrifice the comforts of one home to be with the other parent.

Summer Vacation Tip 6: Prepare your child to spend time away from you. Remind him or her they will be going to be with the other parent who loves them and is so excited to be able to spend time with them. Tell your child you will miss them and know they will miss you as well, but you will be together again very soon. Do not dwell on how hard the separation will be for you.

Summer Vacation Tip 7: Prepare yourself for time without your child or a summer without the child. Think ahead about how you will use your time. Use it for reconnecting with old friends, spending time with family, completing projects around the house, dating, and pampering yourself. For divorcing couples, summer vacation does not have to mean you lose contact with your child, or you are unable to remain active in his or her life. Spending time with and having access to both parents is necessary for a child’s healthy functioning and development, so if you are spending the summer without your kids, be sure to make up for lost time after summer is over.